I feel that if I start writing some things down that I will somehow forget. Or at least feel okay about some part of it.

Funny how a heart shatters all at once. Seems like it should make a sound.

The only time in my life I’ve felt this is the moment I found out that that car that night had been Laura. I was standing at fucking Rib Crib of all places. Normal Sunday morning rush. Then Jessica texts me saying she’s sorry. For what? I think. Then she says Lizzie told me. Laura was killed. That’s all I got before I collapsed on the floor. It just hit me. Like a brick in the face. It is a feeling I can’t even adequately describe.

My managers concerned face. Everyone in the restaurant probably thought “Did somebody die?” upon seeing me. I didn’t even give a fuck about anyone seeing me in that moment. When all my life I’ve tried my hardest not to let anyone see me cry. I just kept thinking how did this happen to my best friend. Why would someone do this to her. I couldn’t control the tears pouring out of my eyes as I drove myself home. That day is burned into my memory forever. I still remember it perfectly. I remember the night before seeing people posting things about a little car that had wrecked on 24 hwy close to mine and Laura’s house. I never imagined it was the first person who talked to me at school that frightening first day, the girl who was in honors classes with me and became my only friend, the first person I let in from that new place, the girl who always knew the right thing to say to make things better, the girl who would pick up anyone’s trash because she simply didn’t like trash. My friend.